


Speechless

by FandomsOverLife



Category: Phan, Phandom
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Fic, M/M, PBB, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phandom Big Bang, danisnotonfire - Freeform, pbb3, phandom big bang 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:55:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5101907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomsOverLife/pseuds/FandomsOverLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where soulmates exist and the first words that they will ever speak to you appear on your wrist in small writing when you turn 17, what happens when it never does?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, i wrote this fic for PBB3 with the help of my wonderful beta @sleepeatandfangirl.tumblr.com and wonderful artist @sweetnessofimperfections.tumblr.com
> 
> (Pssst mb [Buy Me a Coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/A36817Y0))
> 
>  
> 
> [Link to the amazing peice of art](http://spookiestofimperfections.tumblr.com/post/132170272678/so-this-is-my-submission-for-pbb-phandombigbang)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Please enjoy the fic and remember that i love to get feed back!
> 
> (P.s the submission date for this fic is set on my birthday, how cool is that!... You may continue...)

**Phil**  
**Ten years old**

Phil Lester, being the ever curious boy he was, had first started asking questions about everything and anything ever since he had first learned how to structure a sentence, but one question always stood out to him above the rest.

Ever since he was little, his parents would always read him fairy tales about the wonderful swirly writing that seemed to just magically appear on people's wrists and, once he got older, they told him the story of their own sentences and how they had met. By the time he was ten, Phil had a pretty substantial amount of knowledge of what the writing was.

  
“They are first words that your soulmate will ever speak to you.” His mother had explained. “A soulmate is the one person in the world who is perfect for you. They’re like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle that fits perfectly into your life and completes you.”

Phil had listened in awe as his mum explained to him that how, when he’s old enough at seventeen years old, his own soul mates words will appear on his wrist and how he’ll then always be waiting for the one person who would say those words to him.

“You mustn’t spend your life looking for the person who’ll say this to you though, Phillip,” She had said “because it’s the moment when you’re not looking, when you’ll find them.”

  
But it seemed that the one question he had always wanted the answer to, was the one question that wasn’t able to be answered. “Why? Why does the writing appear?” Phil was ten now and had been asking different variations of the same question for years, but was never able to get a straight answer.

While Phil may always have a lot of questions to ask and things to say, he only ever sparingly asks the teacher questions and talks to the other students. Due to his naturally high anxiety levels that he’s had ever since he was little, it made it hard for him to start talking to people that weren’t in his immediate family. Ever since his older brother, who used to help and encourage him to start conversations with the other children and would stick up for him whenever he got picked on, left for high school at the end of last year, Phil was left completely on his own. Phil was stranded in a primary school filled with other children that he was completely sure hated him and with teachers that practically ignored his existence, but he was happy just sitting quietly at the back of the class, waiting desperately for the last bell to sound so he could go back to the safety of his home and his family.

***

At the start of the new school year, Phil was introduced to a brand new subject, named ISW, this stood for Irregularities of Soulmate Writing, or Speech Writing as some called it. This new subject taught the class all about the very few, unlucky people that never have writing appear on their wrist and, therefore, don’t have a soulmate.  
Phil started to become bullied more than usual after that day…

***

His mum was in the middle of telling him another story of the fantastic writing that would supposedly appear on his wrist one day. He tried to listen, he really did, but his mind continued to wonder about the possibilities of him never having a soulmate and those continuous thoughts made the once, seemingly wonderful, stories start to lose their magic.

***

He wasn’t quite sure how it happened. One moment he seemed to actually be getting along with people for a change and the next moment he was practically laughed out of the playground, running away and hiding in the boy’s toilets in a locked cubicle. What he said that was so funny to the rest of his classmates, he had no idea. All he knew was that it must have been bad, ‘ _Like everything else I try to say’_ , he thought. Phil was now sat atop of a closed toilet, his knees hugged tightly to his chest as he tried to stop his body shaking and the tears from rolling down his face. He just wanted to go home.

***

After having sat hugging himself inside the boys toilets for about fifteen minutes, still too scared to face the other students and not at all wanting to drag himself through the English class he would be having after this lunch finished, he decided to fake a stomach ache so that he could go home.

***

The ride home in the car was silent. Throughout the journey, Phil caught the feeling that his mum knew that he wasn’t sick, but she didn’t ask him about it. She always seemed to know how to treat him when he had days like these and knew that the best thing to do would be to let him talk when he’s in the mood for it and not to try and pull it out of him. For this he was thankful, although his mum probably assumed it was due to another panic attack, which wouldn’t have been a complete lie.

***

Once they arrived home, Phil waited outside the door, bag slung over his shoulder, as his mum unlocked it. Just as they stepped inside, his mum stopped him from walking by putting her hands on both of his shoulders standing in front of him. “Are you okay?” She asked gently as she looked down at her son, who nodded slightly in return. She let out a small sigh and an “Alright” before kissing him gently on his forehead.

Phil ran up the stairs to his bedroom, engulfing himself within his blue and green check duvet and sitting cross legged with it hanging over his head, hugging his small toy lion tightly to his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Phil**

**Fifteen years old**

Phil had been in high school for almost three years now and was hating every moment of it. He had assumed once he moved to secondary school people would have grown up a bit and have been nicer to him, but oh man, was he wrong. People always found a way to make fun of him now, whether it be because he said something that may have sounded a bit weird, because of his ginger hair, because they didn't like him, or because they had their own problems at home and took it out on him. It really didn't help that his hair was almost a fluorescent orange for the first few months of his new school, as he tried to dye his hair darker before he started and it backfired horribly.

Phil was now in year ten, had jet black hair and rarely talked to anyone apart from family members, his friend Peej and when teachers forced him to he spoke to them, or God forbid, did a presentation

Peej had moved to the school half way through year nine. Phil had no idea how he managed to become friends with the other boy, since he was the weird, quiet kid, while PJ was the new, interesting and creative one, but Phil was happy about it none the less.

***

"New research has come out at this point about the handful of people who have never had their soulmates first words appear on their wrist." Mr Gribbs, the science teacher, continued to drone on at the front of the class. "This new information still supports the fact that some unlucky people may just not have a soulmate, but also shows us that some of these people may have had a soulmate, but their soulmate may have died by the time they turned seventeen. More funding is still being put into the research so they can find more information and test subjects..."

Phil was struggling not to fall asleep. He would have found this a lot more interesting if his teacher didn't have the bad habit of speaking in such a monotone voice.  
He looked over beside him, to his right, to see Peej completely zoned out and doodling different monsters and strange creations onto his note pad. In the centre of the page, a doodle of an octopus type thing with a sign in front of it and the letters OH drawn onto it seemed to be the main attraction of the page.

"What does OH stand for?" Phil whispered to Peej, snapping him out of his own little world.

"Oscars Hotel… It's nothing really, just a little idea I had in a dream last night-"

"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying boys?!" Their teacher barked at them, making them both almost jump out of their skin.

Mr. Gribbs stared at both of the boys for a moment before grumbling "What does it mean if a person never has writing appear on their wrist?!"

Phil immediately tensed up, all eyes in the classroom were now on him and he could feel his chest tightening by the second. "U-umm..." He managed to stammer out.

"It means they're a freak, doesn't it Lester!" Someone shouted from the back of the lab, but Phil couldn't tell who. All he could hear was his heart hammering in his ears.

"Oh, shut up Billy!" Peej cautioned, as he turned on his lab stool to face the back of the room.

Thankfully, the bell sounded throughout the school and all of the students were piling out of the door for lunch.

***

“Hey, are you alright?” Peej asked once he had caught up with Phil, who had practically bolted out of the classroom as soon as the bell went.  
“I’m F-fine…”

***

**Sixteen years old**

Phil had almost completely stopped talking to anyone now, his immediate family (mum, dad and brother) being the exception and occasionally Peej, assuming that they weren’t at school that is. He no longer felt safe at all talking in any public or social situations, as every time he had tried to speak his opinion in the past he either got shot down, made fun of, or he stuttered. It’s not that he didn’t want to speak to the other students, some of them were genuinely nice to him, it’s just that he wasn’t able to anymore. Every time he tried to speak to them, his words would become stuck in his throat and Peej would have to cover for him. Phil hated it. He wanted to be normal and to be able to go to school on the bus like everyone else without almost having a stupid panic attack from being completely surrounded by loud people and being crowded into a tiny seat. His mum now drove him to school every day and everyday he would sit, thinking about all of the pros and cons of going into the school, before actually walking in. That is if he didn’t have a minor panic attack and have his mum drive him back home.

One day, Peej and his other good friend Chris, who Phil wasn’t able to talk to, but enjoyed the company of, had come up with a slight solution for Phil being able to answer and talk to people while he was at school. A note book.

Peej had ushered Phil into the library during lunch time when practically nobody was in there apart from the librarians, and took him as far away from them as possible so he might feel comfortable enough to talk a little. Phil, to say the least, was confused about what was happening.

Peej took off his shoulder bag and took out a black, hard cover journal with white, decorated buttons pinned to the front of it and a pen in a piece of elastic on the spine. “Here, take this.” Peej said as he handed the journal over to Phil.

Phil took it cautiously, examining the cover before looking back over to the other boy. “W-What is it-t”

“It’s a journal!”

Peej smiled when Phil rolled his eyes “I f-figured-d th-th-that out-t…”

“It’s so you can write down what you want to say, but you don’t have to actually speak to anyone! See you can keep your pen in that bit” The other boy said as he pointed to the elastic strap on the side. “And it’s small enough that you can take it everywhere with you, but big enough that you can write a lot of stuff into it before you’ll need to get a new one! You can also draw in it and stuff if you get bored.”

Phil looked at Peej with wide eyes for a few moments before replying with a small, warm smile “Th-thank you”


	3. Chapter 3

** Phil **

**The next year, January 29th**

Phil sat cross legged on his bed, staring at his clock, with his old lion toy sitting in his lap. It’s currently 11:54pm, which means he’s turning 17 in 6 minutes and he’s petrified… His brain just won’t shut up.

‘ _What if my soulmate has already died? What if everyone’s right and I don’t have a soulmate because I’m too much of a freak? What if they don’t like me and they think that I’m a freak as well?! What if it’s someone that I’ve already met and I can’t remember who it was that said it too me?! What’ll happen to me if I show up at school tomorrow and I don’t have any speech marks on my arm? What would they do to me?! What if – oh god, only two minutes left!’_

The more he thinks, the more his heart races and the faster his breathing becomes.

‘ _Okay, okay, just breathe, you’re fine…’_

He tried to calm himself down by thinking about people he knows who already have their speech writing. Some are really funny, like the quiet, polite girl in one of his classes who came in late one day, trying to hide the multiple curse words which had appeared on her arm the night before. Oh, and the just plain weird ones, like Peej who will now have the words “What’s wrong with walruses!” on his wrist for the rest of time.

‘ _It’ll be nice to prove them wrong for once’_ he thinks and he’s just starting to calm down, but gets snapped out of his thoughts as he realises he only has about fifteen seconds left before his birthday. He hugs Lion tighter as he watches the second hand get closer and closer

Phil whispers the last seconds quietly to himself as they go by “Three… Two… One…”

He’s only slightly scared to look, so he slowly lets go of Lion and turns both of his arms over, no being sure which arm it would be on, but his stomach drops as he looks at them.

… Nothing…

***

He goes down to breakfast the next morning with bags under his eyes, glasses on the edge of his nose, messy hair and the sleeves of his green jumper bunched up in his hands, covering his wrists. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.

“Happy birthday!” His parents practically shout at him as he comes down the stairs. He has decided to bring the journal Pj had bought for him last year down with him, as he always finds it harder to talk, even to his family, when he’s tired.

“So, what does your mark say?” His brother Martyn asks as he walks over and tries to pull up one of Phil's sleeves, just to have him flinch back slightly.  
He looks up to see his parents looking at him expectantly, so he just shakes his head as a reply.

“Oh honey, hasn’t it shown up yet?”

Phil's eyes widen at that and he’s suddenly feeling very awake right now. “Y-Yet?!”

His brother laughs slightly “What? Didn’t someone ever tell you that it can appear at any time throughout your birthday?”

Phil's mouth forms an ‘oh’ shape as a look of realisation crosses his face. He suddenly remembers all the classes he had with all his old science teacher, Mr. Gribbs, and how many times he had zoned out because of his boring monotone voice.

“Come on, I’ve made you a special birthday breakfast!” His mum says as she directs him into the dining room.

  
Maybe there’s still some hope for him left.

***

He’s in the middle of English Literature when he first feels something that lasts only a second or two. Trying to just ignore whatever it was, he continues with his work.

  
‘ _As long as I don’t stop working, I won’t see that I still don’t have any speech marks yet.’_

This time, he gets a weird tingly rush spread throughout his body, making him shiver. Once again he ignores it, assuming it’s just the weather making him chilly or that he’s getting sick.

The stern words of ‘ _Just concentrate…’_ Go through his mind, as he re-focuses on his work.

The next time it happens, he can’t ignore it. He had started to feel a bit weird about a minute ago, but now his whole left arm was tingling. He attempted to shake it off again, telling himself it was just pins and needles from the way he was sitting at his desk, but that was only the beginning. The pins and needles numb like feeling became stronger and stronger with each passing moment and start to become localised to the bottom of his forearm.

‘ _Okay, what the hell **is** that!’_ Phil thought as he finally gave up on attempting to do any work and realised that he couldn’t properly clench his fist. Suddenly, his skin started to feel as if it was burning, like he had rested it against the kettle or his hair straighteners by accident.

He was starting to wince from the pain, unable to pay attention to anything else in the room as he quickly pulled up his sleeve to see what was hurting him.  
And that’s when he saw it.

Across his wrist, unmistakable black smudges were starting to appear one by one, rising to form different shapes on his wrist in what looked to be two lines, one underneath the other.

Phil wasn’t able to tear his eyes away as the black smudges started to become more visible. Outlining the black of the writing was red, slightly swollen, skin, as if he had actually been burned or had just gotten a tattoo.

Finally the swelling, as well as the blurriness of the letters had started to clear and Phil was at last able to read the two lines of delicate cursive on his wrist.

**“Oh my god, shit, I’m so, so sorry!”**


	4. Chapter 4

**Phil**

To say that he was surprised would be an understatement. He was absolutely stupefied and, to be honest, a little bit scared.

First of all, he was just astonished that he actually now had proof that he had a soulmate and that he could now proudly show his mark off every time one of his infamous bullies made a snide remark about him being a freak and said that he couldn’t possibly have a soulmate.

Secondly he was a bit scared because how in the world could “oh my god, shit, I’m so, so sorry!” be caused by a good thing?! His soulmate will be saying how sorry they are to him, while cursing at the same time. It didn’t exactly sound like a fun adventure would be in the cards when he meets his soulmate for the first time, but at least he’ll get to meet them.

***

As soon as the last bell rang, signalling the end of English and school, Phil practically bolted out of the class room to try and find Peej before he left the school grounds.

He clung onto his journal as he ran through the school corridors, his school bag swinging wildly from his shoulder. Just as he got out the main doors of the school, he could see Peej and Chris talking to each other just down the road, waiting for their bus. He slowed into a fast walk once he realised he had plenty of time and tapped Peej on the shoulder.

  
Peej stopped talking and turned around to see what had tapped him on the shoulder when he saw a rather puffed out Phil. “Oh, hello! How-“

Phil held up a finger to stop Peej from talking any more, before opening his journal and practically shoving it in both of the boys faces.

“Wow, okay slow down there” Chris laughed as he took the journal out of the taller boys hands so he could read it properly.

Both Chris and Peej looked at what Phil had written before looking up at Phil with wide eyes.

“Wait, really!” Peej asked the raven haired boy, who was anxiously wringing his hands together. When he had seen the boy in the morning to give him his present (a jar of hard boiled sweets), he didn’t have any sign of having a mark on him.

“Let’s see it then!” Chris said excitedly

Phil pulled up his left sleeve and smiled as both of the boys in front of him chuckled slightly at the words written across his wrist.

***

 ** ** **Twenty one years old**

Phil was now studying for his third year at the University of Manchester. He had an interesting life at the moment, he was living at home again after living on campus for a little while, but he was enjoying his classes in English Language and Linguistics as well as his class in Video Postproduction, though these aren’t exactly the easiest subjects when you can only write to communicate. His brother was now moved out so it was a little quieter at home, but he came to visit often. He hadn’t found his soulmate yet either.

 

** Dan **

**Seventeen years old (11th of June)**

As soon as Dan woke up on the morning of his birthday, the first thing he did was check his arms, there wasn’t anything there yet, but he knew it could take some people longer for it to appear. He had been more excited for this day than he would like to admit, but he’d toned his excitement down as it didn’t exactly help to stop the boys from school beating the shit out of him.

***

After his morning breakfast and being able to go into school late since he had a free lesson, he decided to walk to school seeing as it was a nice day and just wanted to enjoy the silence while it lasted.

***

He must have been walking slower than he thought, because before he knew it, he was ten minutes late for maths.

‘ _Big breath, you’ll be fine’_ Dan thought to himself as he walked into the class, just in time to be greeted with his friendly neighbourhood bully, Jayden, who also must have been running late.

The teacher let out a huff as he looked towards the two boys from where he was writing on the white board. “And why are you late Mr. Howell?”

At this point, Jayden decided to chip in with a smirk on his face “I know why he was late, he was too busy being a gay lord!”

Due to being so stunned from the sheer stupidity of the comment, all Dan could do was roll his eyes and just look extremely unimpressed.

“What?” Jayden asked as Dan just shook his head and sat down at his desk. He couldn’t be bothered to deal with this amount of stupidity before noon.

***

Dan spent the rest of his day at school vaguely listening to the teachers and chatting to a few of the nicer people when recess and eventually lunch came around, but he couldn’t help but become agitated as the hours in the day passed and his soulmates mark still hadn’t appeared on his wrist yet.

***

It was currently eleven thirty at night and now Dan was starting to panic, sure some people get their marks later in the day compared to some others who practically woke up with the thing, but this was cutting it a little close wasn’t it? His mind started to wonder as he remember the times his teachers had shown them studies and made them do assignment on the people who never got their speech marks, and why they thought that could be, but not even once did he consider that it could happen to him.

‘ _It is really rare that someone doesn’t get their speech marks, so maybe it’s not too late yet. I’ll be fine, it’ll come within the next half an hour surely…’_

As comforting as these thoughts may seem, he couldn’t help but to remember the look on both of his parents faces when they realised that he still didn’t have a mark. As much as his parents had tried to hide their thoughts with an overly exaggerated, fake smile and an “Some people are just late bloomers”, their façade was completely see through and he knew they thought he would be the one in the one in a million chance of not having a soulmate.

***

The clock finally clicked over to twelve and as it felt like a black hole of the abyss had swallowed him whole, Dan knew.

No. Yesterday was _not_ a good day.


	5. Chapter 5

** Dan **

Dan woke up that morning feeling more tired than he when he had finally been able to get to sleep last night. He rolled over and picked up his phone before groaning “Fuck…”  
Somehow he had managed to sleep through his first alarm, along with his two emergency alarms and now he had missed the bus ‘ _Day’s off to a good start then…’_

He slid out from beneath the warmth of his covers and was about to put on a shirt when he remembered the reason why he couldn’t get any sleep last night. “Oh…Right…” he felt his stomach drop again, just as he could now remembering it doing the night before. After looking at the simple black top in his hands for a moment, he decided to find one with sleeves, on the off chance that his parents would still be home, he figured it would be easier to lie and say that he was cold, rather than having to explain that his speech mark never bloody showed up.

After pulling on some grey sweatpants he headed down stairs. Luckily, it seemed that everybody had already left the house. Dan chose to just take his morning slow by having breakfast and getting showered and get dressed in his own time, because if he had learned anything from school, it’s that if you’re going to be late, you may as well be really late, because the teachers will react the exact same way anyway.

***

After avoiding everybody more than usual when he finally arrived at school that day, Dan decided to take a walk, slinging his back pack over his shoulder. He really didn’t have any idea where he was walking to; he just wanted something to clear his head from all of this soulmate mark nonsense.

The only thing that made him stop walking was when he found himself at a corner of a road after nearly getting hit by a car after being completely oblivious to the large ‘ _stop walking’_ signal flashing on the other side of the road. Dan gestured a ‘ _sorry_ ’ to the driver before properly taking notice of his surroundings and realising that the sky was starting to darken and he had no idea where the hell he was. ‘ _How long have I been walking for?_ ’ He took out his phone out from the back pocket of his school trousers before realising that it was completely flat. ‘ _Perfect_ …’

***

Dan was able to return home roughly one hour later after walking around a bit and realising that he recognised a street name that is about two blocks away from his school and four from his house.

Once he walked through the door, he could hear some voices coming from the dining room and decided to try and sneak past them so he wouldn’t be ask any questions about the damn soul mate mark on his wrist, or rather, not on his wrist. His main reason of not wanting his family to find out was because of his younger brother. If he found out, he has almost no doubt the school would find out pretty quickly. Unlike him, his brother actually has a lot of friends… though having any friends is still more than he has, Dan supposes.

He was about to start carefully climbing up the stairs, when he managed to trip over his own school bag that he had just put down, resulting in him tripping into the banister, hitting his elbow and cursing a few times as quietly as possible. But yet…

“Dan, why are you home so late?” His mother called out from the dining room.

‘ _Damn it…’_ “Umm, I just went for a walk.”

“Alright, well come in here and have some dinner before it gets cold!”

‘ _Crap_.’ Dan reluctantly walked into the dining room and sat down at his spot on the table next to his brother.

***

“So Dan, what does your mark say, I never got a chance to ask you yesterday?” His dad questioned him from across the table as he finished off his dinner.

Dan felt his body tense all of a sudden as all eyes went on him. He let out and awkward cough trying to give himself a tiny bit more time to think of an excuse, though the whole time he was on his walk he couldn’t think of one, so he doesn’t know why he thinks he can think of one within two seconds. “Umm. It doesn’t matter.”

“Come on Dan, you can tell us” His mum said as she looked at her son sitting straight across from her.

“It’s nothing…Just boring I guess…” Dan stumbled over his words, how the hell was he supposed to get out of this for the rest of his life? Yet another question he wasn’t able to solve while on his walk.

Next to him, his younger brother scoffed next to him before saying “What, don’t ya have a mark or something?”

He couldn’t take it anymore. Dan suddenly stood up, the sound from his chair making a horrible noise as it scratched across the floor from being pushed back so fast. “You know what? I don’t have to deal with this!”

And with that, Dan rushed up the stairs, before the sound of a slamming door echoed throughout the house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Dan**

As soon as Dan had rushed into his room, he threw himself straight down onto his bed face first before screaming into his pillow. He was just so damn frustrated with everything in his life at the moment.

About five minutes later, Dan heard a soft knocking at his door. “Dan honey, will you unlock the door please?” His mum asked gently.

Dan just groaned in frustration before rolling off of his bed and unlocking the door, then resuming his previous position of having his face stuffed into his pillow. He was just so tired.

He felt the bed dip and then a hand lay softly on his back. “Would you mind telling me why you’ve been acting so strange lately?” His mum asked as he felt the hand on his back start moving up and down.

Dan just responded with a groan into his pillow.

“Okay…” She didn’t say anything for a moment, probably thinking of what to say next, before she started talking again. “Does it have something to do with your mark?”

Almost immediately after asking, she could feel Dan tense up underneath her hand. She sighed “I’ll take that as a yes then. What’s going on?”

Dan just shook his head into his pillow

“Please?” His mother asked and Dan sat up slowly, looking her in the eyes for a split second before averting his gaze.

The boy could feel his eyes starting to water, but he simply refused. ‘ _No, I’m not going to cry over this!’_ He pulled up both of the sleeves on his arms to his elbows, showing the completely bare skin to his mum.

“…It umm, it never showed up…” Dan could hear his voice shake slightly as he spoke. ‘ _I’m not going to, I’m not going to...’_

“Oh Dan” His mum sighed again and pulled him into a tight hug “It’s okay”

Dan placed his face in the joint between his mums shoulder and neck and shook his head.

“Yes it is”

“How mum?!” He asked, his voice breaking fully and a few hot tears starting to run down his cheeks, but he didn’t care anymore “I don’t have a soulmate…”

***

**One month later (July)**

As far as Dan was concerned, the last month had sucked. He was just so sick of hiding his arms and of having to constantly come up with excuses just to make sure that no one at his school found out that he didn’t have a soulmate. He couldn’t help but shiver at the thought of what would happen if somebody managed to find out, people were already mean enough to him even though he’d never done anything to them, he couldn’t stand to imagine what might happen if he gave them even the slightest bit of reason.  
As much as he didn’t want to know what would happen, today was the day he would find out…

***

Dan went to school just like he did any other day since his birthday, late but still going and having to wear his long sleeve uniform shirt to hide his arms. It really didn’t help that today was a hot day.

By the time he was sitting in his French class after lunch, his brain was pretty much fried. The school building was made of cement, bricks and had no cooling system installed since it usually wasn’t the heat they had to worry about.

“Alright everyone, if you could all stop groaning about the heat and just get on with your work for the last fifteen minutes, then the time will seem to go faster and you’ll be able to go home” The teacher, Mrs. Hall, spoke from the front of the class.

Dan sighed into his hands before deciding that if he wanted any hope of thinking straight he would have to cool down first, so he rolled up his sleeves to escape from the heat a bit before continuing on with his work.

***

It was when he was putting some books into his locker once classes had just ended when he realised what he had done.

“Hey Howell!”

The voice made Dan jump and drop one of his books as he noticed Noah, one of the many dicks in his school, standing right beside him. “What do you want…” He asked as he turned to face the shorter, but still intimidating, boy.

“Oh nothing.” Noah said menacingly “let me get that for you…”

He frowned and took a step back as the shorter boy picked up his book for him. ‘ _Something is very wrong with this picture.’_

“Here you go.” Noah continued, but making no move to actually hand the taller boy his book back.

“Well… Can I have it then?” Dan asked cautiously, not sure where this was going, but sure it wasn’t going to end well.

Noah smiled smugly “Sure.”, but again made no move to hand over the book.

 _‘Okay, so you’re just choosing to be annoying then.’_ Dan rolled his eyes as he reached for the book, but as he did, Noah stepped back.

Dan huffed “Don’t you have a bus to catch or something?” He reached out further this time and just as his fingers made contact with the book, he felt a strong hand clasp around his wrist. “Owe! What are you-” Dan's eyes widened as he noticed his rolled up sleeves ‘ _Shit! When did that happen?’_

He was cut off as Noah roughly turned his arm around to expose his bare forearm. He tried to pull his arm out of the other boys clasp but it was too late. “I knew I didn’t see anything there earlier!” Noah grabbed onto his other arm as well and smirked.

“Let me go!” Dan practically growled as the other boy finally let go with a snide laugh.

“Just you wait till people find out about this Howell…” Noah smirked started walking away before saying over his shoulder “A pictures worth a thousand words.” And with that, he walked down the remainder of the hall and down the stairs.

Once Noah was out of view, Dan let himself sit down, back against the lockers and head making a loud thud as hit them… “Fuck.”


	7. Chapter 7

** Dan **

Dan would have had a good weekend, after all, all he did was sit on the couch in the browsing position and binge-watch television shows when he should have been doing homework, but he couldn’t shake the bad feeling in his stomach the whole time. He just had a feeling that Noah was planning something and he had an even worse feeling he knew what it might be.

Dan walked into the school on Monday not being sure what to expect but knowing that he probably shouldn’t walk around with his back to an open space or go somewhere without any witnesses. He just had that sort of feeling. Like he was being watched...

 _‘Okay, back to the wall Dan, back to the wall…’_ he thought to himself as he entered the school building and started to walk through the halls of the school to get to his locker. As he walked, he noticed people giving him strange looks and hearing hushed whispers almost immediately after passing them. People never usually give him a second glance and he could feel his stomach fall at that realisation. Something very bad was going on and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what anymore.

Once reaching the top floor of the school and cursing at the stairs under his, now slightly heavy, breathing from climbing up the damn things, he saw pieces of paper hanging onto every second locker down both sides of the completely deserted hallway. They were everywhere.

Time felt as if it had stopped as Dan slowly walked towards the closest locker, talking the sheet off the locker to get a better look at it. “Oh no, no, no, no, no….” he muttered under his breath. He started reading over the sheet. The title read:

“ _Daniel Howell, Age 17, Local freak”_

Below that was his last student ID photo he had had to have taken earlier in the year. Then the message continued.

_“You see, freak here has been keeping a big secret from us… He’s been hiding that he’s one of **those** …”_

Underneath was a crappy phone quality candid photo that had been taken during last weeks English lesson when it had been too hot to live and Dan, unthinkingly, rolled up his sleeves. In the picture, both of this forearms and wrists were clearly bared above his head when he had been stretching from sitting for so long.

The sheet was signed

_“ - Yours sincerely, the truth teller ;)”_

But Dan knew who it was.

He had thought that maybe Noah had taken a picture of his arms during that class based on what he had said when he’d been confronted by him that afternoon. He assumed that the other boy might use it as a bit of blackmail, but not this. Never this…

After he finished reading, so many emotions ran through him at the same time that he was left feeling nothing. All he felt was numb.

***

Dan didn’t care about the stairs anymore.

He didn’t care about the whispering students as he walked back through the hallways.

He didn’t care that it was just after nine in the morning.

And he definitely didn’t care when he walked out of the school gates, just as the first bell rang out.

Dan didn’t care because he wasn’t sure if he even had the capability of doing so any more. He can’t feel anything and _‘it should scare me’_ he thinks, but it doesn’t.

His mind is a swirl of voices telling him that they’re right, that they’ve always been right. He is a freak and an outcast. ‘ _I should be crying right now…’_ Dan thinks. But he doesn’t. ‘ _I should be sad…’_ But he isn’t. Because maybe that’s just who he is now, the freak without a mark who feels like he’s so broken, he can’t feel anything. Or maybe, it’s because he felt so much,

that it broke him…


	8. Chapter 8

** Dan **

**Nineteen years old**

Dan had finished high school almost two years ago and couldn’t be happier that that chapter of his life was finally over. After that day when he was seventeen years old and that dick, Noah, had leaked his secret to the entire school in the most traumatising way possible, Dan found it very hard to return. His mother had been confused to say the least when she was just opening the front door to leave for work and had been pushed back as Dan suddenly barged through and walked straight into his room without saying a word. She decided to stay home that day to make sure that her son would be alright, still confused as to what had happened to cause such a reaction. That is, until she received a phone call from the school alerting her that Dan was currently missing. Once she had confirmed that Dan was home with her, she asked what had happened and everything sort of spiralled from there.

The boy had refused to move from his bedroom for the duration of the week, apart from going to the bathroom and the kitchen every now and again just so he wouldn’t starve.

  
His mum was alright with it for the first few days. Dan was functioning enough for her liking, eating, showering, etcetera… He was just being very isolated about it. She understood that it would have been a very traumatic experience and that her son would need a little time to recover, but once three days had passed and he had barely moved from his room, she started to worry. Luckily, by the next week, Dan begrudgingly agreed to go back to school.

Due to constant physical and verbal bullying that he had to endure the remainder of his time at that hell hole all because of a stupid mark that decided to never show up on his wrist, Dan was very happy to get out of there and have a fresh start, unlike a lot of people who are scared of leaving high school due to not knowing what they are going to do with their life. It’s not like he knew that either, but he assumed that he would be able to work it out along the way, it couldn’t possibly be worse than what he had already had to put up with.

Currently, Dan was just a few weeks into a law degree at the University of Manchester. The main reason of choosing a law degree was that, despite not being there all too much during his final two years at high school, he had gotten very good grades in most of his exams and he had thought ‘ _hmm, I wonder what degree will make me sound smart and sophisticated? I know! Law.’_ In hindsight, this may not have been the best way to choose a degree, but it was a bit late to be thinking that now, as the fees had been paid and he was actually excited about starting.

Part of this excitement died inside him though as, once he moved onto campus, he realised that everybody who had taken a gap year in between high school and uni, had used it as time to learn some actual life skills. Unless selling an axe to a very obvious undercover twelve year old due to sheer awkwardness, playing video games and becoming a full time internet hobo counted as valuable life skills, Dan had not done this. ‘ _That’s alright… I’ll figure out how to cook and stuff in no time…’_

 

** Phil **

**Twenty three**

Phil was currently on his way to the train station after having met up with Pj and Chris for the past few days. It was nice seeing them again after having not seen them for a while, and since PJs house was by the beach, it was like a little holiday for him while staying there. It’s freezing at the moment so he didn’t actually go to the beach, but the thought was nice enough.

He, Chris and PJ had been arranging to meet up for a while as they all hadn’t seen each other in person for at least a couple months. Communicating between the three of them wasn’t easy at first though once they had all gone their separate ways. This was because they had to find a way which they could to talk to each other without using the phone, because Phil would rarely ever pick up the phone due to anxiety and even if he did, he wasn’t able to talk to them anyway. Skype became the logical option since they could see each other, Chris and PJ could talk and Phil would type into the chat.

As much as Phil had enjoyed catching up with them and meeting one of PJs friends Louise, who was very kind and understanding of Phil and why he would only talk to her using his trusty journal, he was very glad to be going home. As he was just fresh out of finishing university, overall getting a degree, post graduate degree and a masters degree, he felt he was finally ready to move out of his parents’ house and into his own small flat in Manchester. He didn’t have a great deal of money at the moment, as he was only temporarily working in a book store where, luckily, people rarely tried to talk to him. He had a feeling that good things would be coming his way though as, a friend who he had met through Uni, now worked with BBC Radio 1 and had said to Phil that he might be able to get him a job at the radio station.

 

** Dan **

Dan let out a huff as he woke up, thank god it was finally the weekend. He was only five weeks into his law degree so far and he was quickly becoming exhausted by it. Well, exhausted by the course as well as the very occasional parties where the main agenda of each and every one was to get hammered and forget their problems and piles of work they probably had due the next day. Dan rolled over onto his side, slightly hungover and lazily reached out a hand onto his bedside table. He squinted as he look up at the phone he was now holding just above his face as his eyes were slow to adjust to the light. 10:36am… Why did he have a feeling that he was forgetting something..? “Shit!” he said suddenly as he practically leaped from his bed and started to haphazardly get dressed as fast as humanly possible as realisation hit him. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” Today is his mums’ birthday, he’s meeting up and staying with a friend he made during his gap year, and he has to catch a train up to his parents’ house on the other side of London in fifteen minutes if he has any hope of making it on time.

 

** Phil **

Just as the train was about to stop, Phil unzipped his galaxy backpack about to put his giant, bright green York University jumper on, ready to brave the cold winds that Manchester would throw at him. Once opened, he was quick to realise the jumper was missing from his bag.

Just as he was about to text PJ, his phone buzzed in his hand.

**From Peej, to Phil**

**Received 10:57am:** “It seems that you’ve left your florescent jumper at my house, I’ll mail it to you sometime in the week after one of my mates from Manchester uni visits :)”

  
Phil quickly wrote off a reply as the train slowed to a halt.

**From Phil, to PJ**

**Sent 10:58am:** “Cool, thanks PJ! :)”

Placing his phone back inside his jeans pocket, Phil slung his galaxy backpack over his shoulder and held his journal tightly to his chest as he stepped off the train into Manchester Piccadilly station.

***

Good god did Phil wish he had his jumper more than anything right now as he started to walk through the station, but no he just had to leave it at PJs didn’t he! Phil cursed himself internally as he tried to avoid the swarms of people, clutching his notebook to his chest as both a desperate attempt at keeping warm and to shield himself from all the other people hurriedly walking past.

Because his train had been late coming back, it left Phil having to wade his way through a crowd of annoyed looking people who were trying to board the train. Once he was finally passed the group, he looked up just in time to see a grey blur run straight into his shoulder, bumping his journal from his hands and almost knocking him over. Phil had just enough time to regain his balance and turn around to see a boy wearing a grey horned hoodie handing him back his journal, but froze as he heard what the boy was saying…

“Oh my god, shit, I’m so, so sorry!”

He finally got his senses back to him, but before he knew it, he could only see the boys back running towards a train.

He tried to chase him but he was being blocked by groups of people.

He tried to shout out to the boy, but his voice was caught in his throat,

and by the time Phil was finally about to reach the doors of the train, it started off down the tracks

 

** Dan **

Dan felt so bad when he finally sat down on the train and not only because he felt like he was about to cough up a lung from all the running he had just done, although he had no doubt that was at least part of it. Today had already been a rubbish day and it was only just past eleven for god’s sake. Between rushing to get out the door on time and his haste to not miss his train, he had managed to completely run into this poor guy with a black fringe and knock the note book from his hands, almost sending it flying across the station. Dan had handed the book back quickly and apologised before resuming his running. ‘ _Thank god the train was late…’_ Dan thought as he felt it set into motion.


	9. Chapter 9

** Dan **

“Thank you so so much for letting me stay at your place for this weekend” Dan thanked his friend Pj as he was about to leave for his train back home. “Hope it wasn’t much trouble” he spoke as he started shoving things into his bag, not really paying proper attention. He really didn’t want to be late to his train, much like he was on Saturday morning.

Pj stood by the doorway with his hands shoved into his pockets “no problem, I actually had a friend staying here just before you came so all I had to do was change the sheets on the spare bed.”

Just as Dan stood up from zipping up his bag, Pj spoke again, but more to himself “he’s from Manchester too actually, not too far away from the university either.”

“hmm? Sorry I didn’t hear that, I zoned out a bit.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I was just talking to myself.” Pj smiled at his friend as he opened the door “Have a good trip back home!”

“Seeya!”

***

“Why do I have this?” Dan mumbled to himself as he pulled a bright green York University hoodie from his bag once he was back in his dorm “Must have picked it up from somewhere…”

***

“Dan, why are you wearing a York hoodie?” Dan's friend Liam asked as they were walking to one of their lectures.

“Because it’s really, really warm and its bloody freezing outside.”

“Yeah, but why is it a York hoodie?”

“I don’t know, I accidentally picked it up from somewhere, I don’t even know anyone who went to York” Dan paused for a moment before mumbling “Also it smells really nice…”

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing, never mind”

 

** Phil **

**Twenty four**

“Hey Phil! I’m glad you came, I wasn’t sure if you would show or not!” Chris greeted Phil as he walked into his house party “Peej should be around here somewhere” He said, looking around the room as he spoke. “Oh by the way, well done on getting that radio job!”

Phil quickly wrote into his journal “Thanks :)” before leaving Chris to his conversation with a few other people, in search for PJ.

Phil never use to be much of a fan for parties, well he still isn’t, but nowadays he can quite enjoy himself at house parties. Conversation was always a bit tricky though, seeing as he was always writing his part. He went into the kitchen and grabbed himself a drink and just as he was walking around the corner to one of the rooms, he was pulled to the side by his elbow.

“I was wondering when you’d get here!” PJ said, having to raise his voice a bit over the music that was playing in another room, “I want you to meet someone” He said to Phil before calling over to a tall boy standing in the middle of the room “Hey Dan, come here a moment!"

 

** Dan **

**Twenty two**

“PHIIILLLLLLLLL, you ready yet?!” Dan yelled across their flat. They had met about two years ago at a house party and quickly became best friends, possibly something else as well, but he wasn’t going to go into that, it was a bit complicated. Phil had briefly once told him how he met his soulmate a while ago but it being for only a split second, so fast he couldn’t even properly see what the guy looked like and that he had basically given up on finding them by this point. He told Phil how he didn’t have one and both of them had just dropped the subject since.

He and Phil had moved in together about three months ago, since Dan had now dropped out of university. He was practically living with Phil before anyway, since he was always staying over at Phil's old flat, so it didn’t really make much difference to them. It was nice.

Phil walked into Dans room about thirty seconds later with an unimpressed look on his face, holding up his journal which had a big “YES!” written onto it.

Dan laughed at himself for a moment “Oh yeah, sorry I forget about that sometimes.”

Phil smiled before writing a “Come on then” into his journal, gesturing towards the doorway with his head and showing it to Dan.

“Wait, you’re not going out only dressed like that, are you?” Dan said as he looked over his flatmate who was only wearing a blue plaid shirt with black glasses and skinny jeans.

Phil frowned slightly in response.

Dan sighed, shaking his head fondly “Phil, its freezing outside” He explained as he walked over to his wardrobe “Here, take one of my jumpers”. The younger man threw a green hoodie over to Phil which landed directly onto his face.

Phil smiled as he pulled it off of his head, but the smile quickly changed into a look of confusion. Dan looked back at Phil with equal confusion as Phil went to sit on his bed and write into his notebook. “You went to Manchester”

“Yeah I did...”

The elder boy rolled his eyes slightly before writing again "This is a York hoodie, I use to have one just like it but lost it ages ago."

"Oh right, that" Dan laughed a bit "I picked it up from somewhere a while ago, I think it was PJs house actually… Ready to go?" 

Phil held up a finger, telling Dan to wait for a moment while he folded the sleeves of the hoodie up before writing something down “This is my jumper, I left it at PJs house years ago, but it mysteriously went missing! Look in the sleeve, it even has P.L. written in it in sharpie!”

Dan couldn’t help but to just start giggling and sat down onto the bed next to Phil, both boys now not being able to contain their laughter at the ridiculous coincidence. “I can’t believe I’ve had your jumper for about three years!” Dan giggled as he lent his head onto Phil's shoulder “When I first started wearing it I even- Actually don’t worry.”

Phil nudged him with his elbow, telling him to continue

“No it doesn’t matter” Dan giggled as Phil nudged him again “Nope, Phil – PHil – PHIL! Stop it, fine I’ll tell you!” The younger boy laughed as he tried to wriggle away. The older boy was nudging him with his elbow in one of the most ticklish spots on his side.

Phil smirked at his victory before Dan continued his previous thought.

“What I was going to say was I thought it smelt nice…” Dan mumbled, but Phil heard anyway.

The elder boy took out his journal and wrote, “Awrf, that’s sweet!”

Dan blushed, laying his head back down onto Phil's shoulder “Shut up!”

This made the older boy giggle a little bit.

“Did I ever tell you that story by the way?” Dan asked, completely leaning on Phil now.

Phil rested his head on top of Dans and shook his head.

“Well, about a year before I met you, I was running late for something, as per usual, and as I sprinting through the Manchester train station to catch this train that turned out to be running a bit late, but anyway, as I was running towards this train I ran into this poor guy with a fringe, knocking the…” The closer Dan became to the end of his story, the slower he spoke. Both he and Phil stopped leaning on each other as they turned to look at each other. “…Notebook from his hands…”

 

**Phil**

Phil's eyes widen even further as Dan finishes his sentence and before Phil properly knows what he’s doing, he cups Dans cheek before leaning in slowly, to give Dan time to pull away, before leaving a gentle kiss on the younger boys lips. Just as Phil was about to panic and pull away, Dan kissed back.

Dan smiled softly as they pulled away “What was that for?”

The older boy dropped his hand quickly from Dans cheek, finding his pen which had rolled off on the bed and writing as fast as possible into his journal, shaking a bit as he does.

“It was you, oh my god it was you!”

“Yeah it’s really strange that we both bumped into each other that day, but, not that I didn’t enjoy the kiss or anything, I really liked it, just why such a reaction?” Dan asks gently, but Phil is already writing at one hundred miles an hour. Dan lifted his hand to run through Phils hair to get him to relax a bit, smiling to himself when he feels Phil stop shaking as he continued to play with the other boys hair. 

“You said my mark, that day, oh my god I thought I’d lost that person forever, but it was you, it’s always been you! You said my mark as you handed me back my journal, but you were running for your train so fast I didn’t have time to catch you! I even tried to call out but my voice got caught in my throat!”

As Dan read over what Phil had written, the elder boy showed Dan his wrist and pointed to it.

“But Phil, I don’t even have a…oh…”

Phil practically beamed as he saw realisation hit Dan like a freight train

“I don’t have a mark because you can’t talk… I’m speechless, because… You’re speechless!”

Both boys stared at each other for a few moments, before their lips collided once again.

But this time, everything made sense…

**Author's Note:**

> Really hope you liked the fic - if you did mb thing about mb [Buying Me a Coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/A36817Y0)


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